I just made out with a guy for $7.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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