But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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