its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
