I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
