You smell like a Billy Joel song
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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