I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have fence marks all over my body
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
