She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
