rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
