If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
