mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
