your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
