he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
