I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
