So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
