Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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