YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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