I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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