Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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