If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dicks are not precious.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
