I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
