she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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