In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
