Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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