I could have mohawked her pubes.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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