I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
