Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
