Cold hands, warm shart.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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