Please, let me fuck your mom
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
