talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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