eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
