I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
