he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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