Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
