next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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