I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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