I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
