shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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