When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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