elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
