Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Im part way to drunk.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
