oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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