For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
