Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
