So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
