I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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