How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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