TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
false alarm, still single
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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