Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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