You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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