Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Houston, we have a blender
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
